I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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