The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
