Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
