why didn't you poke me back
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
