i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
