if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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