Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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