Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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