Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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