I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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