I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
