I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
