she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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