They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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