totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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