people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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