moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
