just come out here and I will go home with you...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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