Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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