there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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