I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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