it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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