yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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