we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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