I want to walk on stilts...naked
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
