you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
