i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
