yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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