based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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