EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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