You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
