They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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