just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
