I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
