i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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