I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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