so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
