Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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