i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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