Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
