she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
