we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
