Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize