it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
