I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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