Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
