dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
