I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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