I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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