I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
