I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
