3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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