i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
