Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
