Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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