Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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