well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
