I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
