Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
