I wish I could teleport
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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