we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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