Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
