he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
God, I missed his penis.
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