I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
