My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm having to shit out rocks
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