I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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