And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
