i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
