wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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