I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
