Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
