Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
