Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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