You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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