I seem to have left my pride at pride
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
